Black hole in the inner chamber

This week at church the Lord showed me a picture during worship. You need to know that we had about 45min of praying in the Spirit and free worship, this was the most tangible presence of God I have felt in a group of people for sometime.

I asked the Lord, ‘why do I feel as though I’m never totally submitting, allowing You to control my entire being, like when people fall over from the touch of the Holy Spirit. I feel I’ll nearly fall down but then I resist it?’

The Lord showed me a picture of a grey smallish room and I immediately understood it to be the inner chambers of my heart. There in the back left corner was a dark spot, on inspecting it I found that it was a hole in my heart. The Lord said ‘these are the pains, rejections, hurts, neglect and abandonments in your life that you have not let go of. While you’re holding onto them you are allowing that hole to continue to grow or remain active.’

God: ‘Now, the question is what will you do with all that pain?’

Me: ‘but Lord I have forgiven them,’

God: ‘yes, but you haven’t released them of the burden of what they’ve done to you and until you do you will remain with a hole in your heart, that everytime my glory comes it pours through the back door in your heart and I can’t help you, to fill you up, because you have allowed that back door to remain and for it to have full authority to the access of all I am doing in your life, by holding tightly to the reigns of authority of the blame and guilt and shame of what these people have done to you. Let go, let My Spirit in, completely, fully, entirely surrendering can only come once you have released your hold on all the things around you that keep you under the authority of the world and the things around you. The things of this world have no authority over you unless you give them the reigns. Those reigns you are holding, let them go into My Presence and I will continue to deal with those as I see fit. Give your full surrender to me and I will close the hole in your heart, as you have now given me permission to do and I will fill your cup to overflowing!’

Prayer I prayed now, today as I was writing this:

‘Please God, help me to relinquish into your hands every person that has ever hurt, neglected, abandoned, rejected, abused or in anyway wronged me and help me to release them, the memory of all they’ve done and the deep hurt, pain, shame and rejection to you. Amen’

Thank You Lord, I receive,

I trust this will help someone else as well! God Bless!

Valentine’s Day Stretch

14 February, 2020

So, today I had to give my 7year old some elastics to wrap around his chair at school to fiddle with using his feet to keep him from rocking his chair.

Watching him playing with the elastics got me to thinking about love, since it’s Valentine’s day, I got to thinking about how this love stretches you.

You see, my daughter who just turned 11 was invited to a camp where we know none of the adults, we know only the parents of the girl who invited her, and, they won’t be on the camp… haha… classic.

I have been asking the Lord for an opportunity for my daughter to stretch her ‘social wings’ without the family ‘tagging on her tail’. Now, here is the perfect opportunity, Christian youth camp, but… we have not allowed sleep overs yet, these can be complicated, she has been on camp, but you know they all know each other. So she says to me, I just realised I’m going on a camp where I know no one…ugh …

So the helicopter parents who allow our children little to no time apart from us, now have a decision to make, we allow this small break away, trusting the Lord has provided the opportunity I’ve been praying for or… do the classic hoarder mentality, helicopter parent stint and deny her all opportunity for growth outside of the home…

This is what that elastic reminds me of… love is good for me  because it causes me to hold on as tightly as humanly possible to this precious gift from God, who inexplicably changed my world, turning it upside down in the most indescribably wonderful ways. Almost like when you’ve been looking at the wrong side of a tapestry all the time and then someone comes along and tells you to turn it around and the full vista will never be the same again… the best turn around that could ever be expected.

We’ve held on as tightly as humanly possible for 10years, now, suddenly, slowly, serendipitously we are letting go… do we have a choice… yes, let go or loose the growth potential… we opt for growth… that elastic that’s been wound so tightly around our hearts and hers, it’s not used to the stretch…it’s uncomfortable… we all know it’s for the best.

How does God relate to this stretch… as I was reading this morning…

Romans 5:6-11

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. (God knowing only purity and perfection elected to take us from our mire and bring us towards Him, but this sacrifice was greater than we will ever know, giving part of Himself, perfect perfection to come down and become imperfect sin that we may know Him? A stretch we will never be able to relate to from eternity past, present and perfect to earth full of sin and shame.)

 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (stretched to His death…)

(He didn’t leave it there, He didn’t leave us or Himself in earthly death and humiliation) 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

You see, while we were dead, the Lord saved us, not only to live but to live fully reconciled with Him in order for us to live in right standing with Him through His Holy Spirit.

He stretched Himself to the point where He transcended heaven and earth through His Son, our wonderful Lord Jesus Christ, to bringing Him back to heaven and introducing and remaining here in the form of His Holy Spirit sanctioning us with all authority in heaven and on earth given to us through our Lord Jesus Christ, by the power of the all-encompassing Holy Spirit to carry out His will.

What is His will, that “at the name of Jesus every knee will bow, every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.”

Is this a stretch for us, you betya! As much as the Lord did for us… never…

It’s a valentine’s day stretch… Luke 9:24 ‘If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.’ (NLT)

Good Morning, 2020!!

1 January, 2020

This morning while looking out at the sea, I saw one of my favourite sights. I love watching these sunrays, when the sky is filled with clouds and suddenly you see this ray of sun beaming through directly targetting a single area.

I saw, far out over the sea, a beautiful narrow sunray bursting through the clouds, against all the odds this tiny piece of sun was making itself known. Directly in the middle there was a little cloud, perfectly tightly formed and resting in the middle of the sunbeam.

As I watched I felt like the Lord saying to me, “That is how you are to me, perfectly kept in the middle of my grace, unless you disobey, then you have chosen to step out of my grace and no longer rest in the middle of my favour and receive the consequence of your disobedience.”

Well, then the cloud moved out of the line of the sunbeam and I couldn’t see it and carried on walking around, but, I came back, curious as to where it is now and does it come back into the sunray. (Small things amuse small minds, I know, bear with me).

To my surprise the cloud had not only moved back, it had grown and was in a greater ray of sun than it was before. The Lord said to me, “You see, sometimes my hiding you has nothing to do with consequences either, there are times I hide you for your own good, to grow you, to enlarge your area of influence and make your foundation stronger. Don’t always consider what you’ve done wrong when you are feeling hidden or in a quiet space in time. Spend time with me and ask, what is the reason You, God, and I are in this season, don’t always assume the quiet times are disciplining, the majority of the time they are for growth and studying.”

What can I do in response?

1-Thank God for the seasons in life. Seasons denote change, growth and spiritual self-awareness, seeing ourselves as God sees us.

2-Ask God, what season do You see me in at the moment and what is my best response to this season?

3-Spend time with God daily, this way you will grow through any season quicker than you normally would and He can lead, heal and guide you to your next and you will know you are on the right track.

4-Get a spiritual mentor, that way you’re not left floundering around through one book after another with no progress. They should help keep you grounded, they should help keep you moving forward and always bring you back to relying on Jesus, never themselves.

Have a blessed 2020!

Your Next??

What have you had to let go of, to move into your new season?

I felt God ask me this morning, what if you would let go of the season that’s past and allow me to create and restructure the seasons to come?

Steven had to see and look past the natural, where he was being stoned to death to see into the  eternity, God had waiting for him, to be able, in that moment of agony, torture, pain and death to forgive, the people who were killing him, literally, as he did so God put him to sleep so that he no longer felt this earthly pain, torment, agony and never lived the trauma his aggressors were hoping to inflict on him.

You see, I, like most of us, have very good reason to hang onto and rally around the rights that I lost, the future I should’ve or could’ve had, had things not been stolen from me.

When God is the Master planner of our lives (Ordering our Mayhem)

But today, in the heavenlies I feel God asking me, what if you lay that down and allow me to pick up the pieces and show you how divine reconstruction works? How, when I say, “you are the clay,” you hand me all those losses of rights and denials of potential and cutting off of possibilities and come into the throne room with the pieces in your hand, lay them at my feet and see what happens when the Creator of the place waiting for you with stone roads in-laid with gold, can come and pick up those pieces and He can be the Master potter and place each piece of your mosaic, your tapestry exactly as He sees fit, what would happen if you allow Him to be the Master shaper of your destiny, we know Him to be.

Could it be that all that loss, all that heart ache, all that seeming destruction can in some way be placed as a pathway mosaic of stones for others to tread on that they too may be led to the feet of the Almighty, All-knowing, All-loving, All-kind, All-caring Master who knows the future and can lay bare and make barren those heartaches, take out the sting of the dismay, dis-illusionment, disabling-effect of the enemy’s plans and place instead, in their place, the pathways, the path-stones of destiny, the purpose and calling the Master knew to be there in the first place.

What if?

So, today, Father, as I have been fighting with you for over 10years now, I have finally decided after a long fight, that You are worthy of it all. I will willingly come to Your feet and lay down my rights.

I have the right to be angry over the abuse of neglect, mistrust, lies and deception the enemy has tried to put on my life through many role-players. Over the loss of the life I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve had, had my family not been pillaged.

I have the right to be angry over the sexual and moral abuses that have happened to me via the hands of many role-players, rape, hurt and plain abuse.

I have the right to these all, but today I lay them squarely at your feet, and say Father, these were mine, they’re now Yours, do with them what You will. I choose life.

I choose life from the throne room of grace, I choose life from the altar of the divine calling which You alone placed on my life. I choose life by denying any hold all, or any, of these things have had on me and no longer will have on me, as I am released in power, resurrection power by the blood of the Lamb, by the Almighty Creator who already ordained this day in history for me to be the woman of God He intended me to be. I decree I am FREE INDEED!! God today, I will take You by the word of Your promises which were always true, I regret to confess, I always struggled to believe them because of the broken places I came from, but my God, my God, my God, something has shifted in the heavenlies and I am believing You for this and the full destiny You have for me, today, in Jesus’ Mighty Name!

Like Steven, who had to look to Jesus to take his eyes off the natural to see his next, Father I am taking my eyes off of who I was to see who I am in You, who You have created me to be and, Lord, where You are taking me next. I pray that You would keep my eyes so focused that it would be as though the rest of me had gone to sleep, not seeing or hearing anyone else around me, to be solely focused on You.

Thank You, Almighty God

I love You and thank You that in the last 10years You have taught me that I can trust Your gentle, kind, gentlemanly process. You lead me, when I am able, to move forward, thank You for Your grace!

If this moved you to desire more from a God who frees us, please pray this prayer with me finished already? Please let me know you prayed that prayer, I would love to contact you and send you some more encouraging information and places of worship where you can meet others whose lives are being forever changed and moved towards an eternity of life we can’t imagine, e-mail: chat at