Forgiveness Part (1)

God is good... all the time!

As I lay all at Your feet I hear You say, is the cross enough? Is the suffering I endured enough to take away what you have endured? Is it enough that I broke eternal perfection to bring down one of the perfection of the Godhead, to be entirely man and entirely God, with no sin in Him so that you, each and everyone of you, will have an advocate and friend seated in Heavenly places? So that when you hit rock bottom of whatever place mentally, physically, spiritually you find yourself in today, you will know without that shadow of doubt I am here, with you in this place you are never alone. I am there, standing beside my Father, calling out for you, calling out to you, saying you can do this, we can get there, I have also been there, that is how I know you and me together we can lift this cross, carry this burden and set you free, because I already carried you there 2019years ago! Is it enough that I walked the earth during some of the most difficult times to empathise with your needs, temptations and desires? Is it enough that I lived, was born and died an adopted Son of a carpenter?

But what am I to you? Who do you say I am? Am I, or do you know me, as a friend, closer than a brother or lover? Do you know me as a wonderful counsellor? Do you know me as your heavenly Father? Do you know me as God the only Potentate and what does that mean for you?

I can tell you who I know Him to be, if you’re interested? My experience of Father God, Holy Spirit and tender-loving Jesus Christ.

I know Him as my Father, so intricately woven into the very fabric of my being He has done open-heart surgery to my heart, removing, cleaning out hurt, damage and self-destruction I never even knew was there but His hand, more gentle and tender than any surgeon could ever mustre.

I know Him as my Father who loves me so much He keeps me safe in my darkest moments, whether of the mind or decisions that  could have been detrimental. He has kept my head and life above water on many occassions, at times when I was far from Him I can see, as I look back, His Almighty hand carrying me through, often in potential physical harm too!

I know Him, since I was 8years old, as my Comforter, Counsellor and gentle, tender Holy Spirit who has led me faithfully my entire life, even when I was far from Him, again. Him, He has always been my safety net. I can truly say Thank You Lord and Thank You for giving me praying parents who loved and appreciated me their best.

I know Him since I was born as God the Only Potentate. My mother thought she wasn’t able to have more children since she had my sister and miraculously I was born. I was born prematurely and at a very vulnerable age went home in the Zimbabwean heat of 45°C, contracted pneumonia. After days and weeks being ill my mother thought I was breathing better that’s why I had quietened down. As usual one of my favourite sayings… but God… but God knew I wasn’t and sent my dear pastor out to get something from the shop and as he passed our house the Lord said to him in Afrikaans(cause the Lord speaks all languages fluently… even though we all secretly think He speaks only ours and translates for others, come on now, we all know we do…) ‘Ietsie’s vout daar binne.'(‘Somethings wrong in there’). He came into our house, knowing my parents like son and daughter, he picked me up and said I was already blue… Now I spent my whole life trying to reconcile this story, until one day at the age of 15 Oupa Dup(as we affectionately called him) came and told me himself. That’s when I believed it for the first time. I saw that for him it was a miracle he also was in awe of the Lord for. He picked me up, and prayed, the rest is history. I’ve had many other miracles but that one always seals it for me. I knew Him at birth, intimately!

I know Him as a counsellor who moves gently, aptly across paths of lives and hearts directing people who think they have nothing to do with Him, but somewhere, a parent, friend, counsellor and often even a teacher; is praying for them and He, Almighty God, has the last word, saving people young and old from self-destructive behaviour towards His eternal life-giving relationship!

I know Him as a Father, who, when we as a couple were faced with the possibility of abortion, said absolutely not and we live the beautiful result of a full family today. Also a Father who loves, heals and restores the hearts and souls who, for whatever reason, absolutely not was not an option and abortion became a part of their story… but God has a better plan, how? Only He can say, but He always has a restoration plan in place, that’s how much He loves us…

John 3:16 ‘For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.’ NIV

My 6 and a half hours as a stroke patient

Half a day as a critical patient

Today I’d like to tell you about my 6 and a half hours as a stroke patient. Slightly cryptic but I don’t want to give it away so bear with me, please!

Blinded while shopping with my kids

So the week went off quite normally, Monday – kids to school, me to work, kids home, homework, same on Tuesday, no problems, the week’s off to a good start, nothing unusual everyone is getting along and things are looking up at work.

Enter Wednesday, same thing, the day gets off to a relatively uneventful start and all goes well while my daughter plays her first hockey match as a goalie with the full kit; she is so excited and we are so proud of her we could burst! So, we go naturally off to the shop and get a few groceries.

As I enter the shop I’m seeing some flashes before my eyes that feel like I’ve been looking at the sun too long. I ignore it and carry on trying to push through the strange sense that it’s getting worse. It seems to clear only to come back, completely blinding my right eye.

I calmly tell my kids, ok kids, mom can’t see out of my one eye. We need 2 more things then we can pay and go to the car. My daughter the wonderful organiser that she is with an in-depth love of the Lord and leading of the Holy Spirit, at age 9, says right mom, I got this and proceeds to walk us, brother in trolley to the groceries we need and till point, then straight to the car.

I get to the car, trying to think through the strange experience and message my hubby the following words:

“Hi babe i’m readfy srignibg not able see mysight noy good n head toocopinh really difficult to see notsurewhats wrobg siiting in car for a niutehhope it gets better” As I sent the message the phone rang, naturally my hubby was disturbed, calling to see what was wrong, we were both convinced we had picked up some sort of virus as we were not feeling great all week.

I said Ok, I’ll sleep for 10minutes in the car while the kids read a book. When I woke up I could see. All I cared about was that I could see and needed to get myself and kids home urgently. Ok guys put your belts on we’re leaving. Even though I was somewhat disorientated I knew I could drive and needed to, before something else happened.

Once home my hubby organised supper, kids and everything else and I fell asleep on my bed waking up the next morning. Before I slept I messaged my friend who has a 24hour intercessory prayer group. I said please pray for me I don’t know what’s going on. They started praying then already.

My 6 and a half hours as a stroke patient

Next morning, as my hubby was unwell and had done everything the night before I took the kids to school. Meanwhile, I had had the most debilitating headache all night and felt like I was lifting lead all morning while trying to move my arms and legs. I kept telling myself even if they get to school late, at least they’re there and my hubby needs his rest. I’d go to the nurse as I definitely have some sort of bug.

School went fine and I went to the nurse, she looked very concerned, I explained my head felt like it was in a vice grip all night, subsided around 5 or 6 that morning only, even after meds. I had pain all down my right hand-side and arm, blinded in my right eye, numb all down the right side of my face and neck and pain in my chest and heavy feeling in my legs and arms.

After checking all my vitals she used the words I never thought I’d hear concerning myself… she actually said I think you’ve had some sort of stroke.

It wasn’t slow, it wasn’t slight or gradual, it was instant, the cold sweat that took over my whole body, I began to shiver and feel freezing cold and clammy all at that instant.

Then the next words that came out I think were worse. She said you are going to have to book yourself into hospital with this referral letter and she started very kindly but very factually telling me what and how and where to go and “keep the paperwork with you, don’t let them take it, you need it to give it to the doctors that need to see you…” on and on went the words, I could hear and understand them but they weren’t for me, she was telling me stuff I needed to know to tell the doctor, which i had no doubt I would remember when the time came, but it wasn’t about me, it was about another patient that was needing to go instantly into the hospital because they had had a life-threatening occurrence… that wasn’t me. I was fit, healthy and currently working on my weight issue.

God intervened

As always, in my life and the lives of those closely knitted into and related to Him, God Almighty intervened! While the nurse was talking I hurriedly sent a message to my hubby and said something like: I’ve had some sort of stroke and need to go to hospital urgently with the documentation. He, again, awesome man that he is, immediately called me to discuss the options, because as self-employed individuals, we have no medical aid.

By God’s enormous grace he has clients at the hospital and called them to arrange they see me and to have the lesser scan and not the R 10 000 scan, but that they will be able to ascertain all the issues from that one too.

Great I start driving there and message my friend with the prayer group, this is serious, it’s urgent, I need prayer, all the prayer I can get.

Then… silence. The car is silent. My mind is, in the aftermath of the enormous pain from the day before and suddenly this is when it always hits home for me, in the aftermath, after the hype after the shock… no, I was still in shock. I was a stroke patient. 39years old, relatively active all day with my kids, not eating too well, but man, not eating so badly that I could kill myself!

God, what is going on here? Lord, what are you doing here? (I’m not blaming the Lord here, I’m just trying to figure out, where is He, because I know, personally, from everything I’ve ever experienced, and man that’s a lot! He is always with me, He is always in control, He is always Sovereign, He is always good, very, very, good. This is simply my way of saying, this is happening, where are you, what are your plans, what should I do, where do You want me in all of this?) Lord, I find myself saying, Lord, I have kids, they are young, I have a lot to accomplish. Where do You want me in all of this? I am going to this hospital now, I am going alone, is there someone I should phone? Is there someone that can come with me. I am entering uncharted territory here? “No, I am with you, you are not alone.”I didn’t hear the Lords words audibly but I felt He was with me, my Lord and my Saviour, never leaves me alone, just as He has promised in His word, and I had instant peace. I was going to be ok, even if this awful thing did happen to me, here I was driving my car, with all my faculties in tact and… wait a minute, how do I know all my faculties are in tact. If I’d had a stroke, surely I wouldn’t know if all my faculties were in tact or not?  Again, I felt the Lord’s hand on my heart and mind assuring me that I would be fine.

Hospital alone

Somehow I calmly managed to drive myself very slowly to the hospital. Once there I asked my way around and found myself at a desk with very compassionate, friendly and helpful ladies, full of questions and enquiries… tears came streaming down my face with no explanation, no warning, no feeling of being overwhelmed to warn me i just sprung a leak, in the words of my father. With my documents in hand she instructed me to take a seat and she would call me if she needed me, only I must fill out the forms for the tests…. total disbelief filled my heart and mind.

I’m sure I never would have dreamt this would happen to me, but in the back of my mind I had the vision of if something drastic ever had to happen to me I would be surrounded by loving, caring, family and friends. Here I sat. There was something about it. Sobering, heart-breaking and I didn’t want to disturb my husband who already had a day of work to accomplish and now I was adding extra doctors bills to our overstretched budget.

Through tears, eyes that were already blurred from the headache and blindness from the day before, I filled out the form and somehow sent a message to my hubby that I needed him. To which he responded he was nearly there!!

Mrs King. They called. I went in. It seemed like ages between my seat and the door where the young lady stood, perhaps i was trying to delay my arrival hoping my hubby would appear, miraculously, at that moment. Cold, clinical room, strange apparatus and I’m alone… until on the machines bed I hear “close your eyes”. No, it’s not the operator, is it You Lord,? “yes, close your eyes, don’t think about anything, I am with you,”I sigh, absolute relief and peace once again, flow over my entire being, I can do this. She says we are going to do this 3 times so just keep still. The platform I am lying on rises slowly and I get slid slowly into and out of a strange circular machine which surrounds my entire head. I am aware of what is happening, but keep my eyes shut the entire time. I feel the words coming from inside my chest or is it my stomach. (This may seem cliche to some but this is my favourite Psalm of all time. Funny the first part doesn’t even enter my mind.) “Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Though art with me, Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me.” Again and again these words keep coming from deep within me, they are not coming from my mind but my innermost being. I only counted 2 entries into the machine and thought I’d done something wrong as the young lady came into the room and said we’re done.

Just like that they handed me my paperwork, charged me an enormous amount of money and let me go home. No questions about what I’m going to do now, no questions of whether I have a doctor that can explain the tests to me or anything like that, just good bye and make sure you settle your bill, ma’am.

Zero Answers, Doctors for 2 days

Well, I’m stunned, by now my hubby has arrived and we’re both as stunned as the other with no explanation as to what just happened, no solutions on how to find out, nothing, now what?

I call the nurse, she can’t make head or tail of the scan only to say somethings don’t match up.

Next, I fetch my kids who would subsequently spend the entire day at the doctor waiting for some sort of answers. I see my doctor who happens to be an old army doctor so he has some hands on experience with many areas of treatment.

He examines me and eventually sits on the bed next to me and says “Don’t worry my dear, everything will be alright” You have kidney and bladder infection in both your kidneys and your bladder very badly, he says, you have an ulcer, you have chronic sinusitis and spasms all through your back, your blood pressure is higher than normal but stable and your heart is beating erratically. You are clearly under a lot of stress, but your brain is fine. I ask him to check my scan due to the abnormalities we see in the pictures, he is happy they are all minor things.

But what caused the blindness is still a concern, so he immediately books me into the eye surgeon for testing. It’s now 4pm, my kids have been with me at the doctor for 2 hours. We go to the specialist, make arrangements, make arrangements for snacks, and come back, they do a barrage of tests and say I must come back in the morning for more testing.

Once home, the eye specialist calls me to tell me that he thinks a clot too small to stop my arteries could have gone in behind my eye, he is going to test for that in the morning and if he finds it I will have to go to the cardiologist for a full workup. If not, he will send me to the neurologist for testing my eyes and why I went blind.
Longest story short, I spent the entire next day unable to see due to the drops I had to take for the testing only to find that my vision was perfect, my peripheral vision was back I had had no clot in my eye that they can see and I don’t need to see the neurologist!

God’s words to me

The next morning I woke up early to spend time with the Lord and He sent me to the following scripture:

Isaiah 43

‘When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.’

The Lord doesn’t cause these events, but I can testify that in every scarry and unpredictable event of my life He has been there and brought me through, carried me to complete healing and His Almighty hand has never left me.

Praise God, after what could have been the most debilitating experience of my life, He spared me.

 

 

My Back was Healed

Back Ache

In another post I discussed miracles that have happened to me. Here I want to mention when my back was healed.

We were having a time of prayer and fasting and someone said, is there anyone who has back pain that needs to be healed. We were a small group of people, it was 05:30 in the morning and we came in for a special time of prayer and fasting. I thought nothing of it, really didn’t think they were speaking about me. Then I realised no one else was answering and I was wearing special shoes because of my back ache, it was so bad I couldn’t get through the day without these special shoes. I decided to swallow my pride and admit it was me. When they prayed for me I felt instant relief, but as the day went on and I was at work it started to feel much better, I couldn’t believe it!

I never went back to wearing high heels to work everyday, I never did daily, only on special occasions. Really never wore them again as much as I had as I thought that wouldn’t be wise. But my life really went back to normal, I could run, play sport, I was in no way injured anymore.

These are a few miracles that happened to me, I’d love to hear your experiences.

Miracles I personally experienced

Miracles I personally experienced

Miracles I personally experienced

Miracles

I want to take the time to tell you about a few Miracles I personally experienced. This is the first one. You may think it vain of me to put this all out here like this, the only reason I am writing this is the feeling that someone else can be helped by this story.

Birth, Miracle I personally experienced

When I was born I was 3 months premature, this age of birth most often results in the babies lungs being under developed. Now beginning with my lungs being under developed, I was 3 months old when I contracted pneumonia too. This with the under developed lungs was a disastrous combination to happen, I could have died.

My mom had 2 other sick, very sick people at home at the time. She was really trying to cope with all these things going on when she thought I was getting better, rather than worse, and that’s why I had stopped coughing.

My pastor on his way past our house felt the Lord say, just stop in here something’s not right. He came in and picked me up. He said I was cold and blue. In Zimbabwe in the middle of summer, it’s almost impossible for a body to be cold. As temperatures soar to 40+degrees celsius.

My pastor, a very down to earth, lovely man. He really loved the Lord and worked his whole life for His people(God’s). Took me in his hands, lifted me up to the Lord and prayed. He said it was a miracle and I started breathing and came back to full health.

Life-long closeness

Naturally he and I enjoyed a life-long closeness not really understood by most. In fact when I was a teenager even I didn’t understand it. Our family had moved away from that town to live hundreds of kilometers away. I hadn’t seen him in many years but my parents would always tell me about him. How he was and how his family was. I never really could understand that. He would always tell me about the miracle of my being healed.

Only when I saw him face to face again, and, he recounted that story for me himself, that I remembered why we were so close and we enjoyed each other so much.

Help

I hope this helps someone out there, if you have your own stories of miracles it would be lovely if you shared them with me and let me know if I can share them to encourage others, much love!

If you feel, as I often did when I was struggling with life itself, that’s great for you but how would that affect my life. There are, few to no, miracles I have personally experienced. Believe me God has them all in-store for everyone. Look for Him. Call to Him, and He will answer you. He promised in His word.  Please contact a local bible believing, God fearing church. They will be more than willing to help you find His love and acceptance. If they make you feel at all unwelcome, unloved or unaccepted, they are not who they say they are, try another church. We are all human, many people make mistakes in their efforts. Please try another church and pray ask God to show you the right place and time. He will, as He did for me.

Other Miracles I personally experienced

I think I will weekly update this list of Miracles I personally experienced. There have been many miracles at various different stages of my life. I will list some and come back to this list and write the details as necessary.

  • My hips were healed.
  • My back was healed at church one day.
  • 2010 car accident.
  • The miracle of my daughters birth.

One of my favourite authors, Pastor John Piper has a full sermon on miracles and said the following regarding the subject:

Miracles surround our lives, physical miracles that we can see, hear, touch, and taste. But what is the point of those physical gifts and visual miracles that abundantly surround our lives? It’s a theme Pastor John took up in a sermon earlier this year titled, “God’s Peculiar Glory: How We Know the Bible Is True,” a message delivered in Houston.

Please enjoy this preach at this link.

Purpose came to me!

Mayhem and Chaos

Mayhem and chaos reigned in my heart and mind until I could take it no longer, I needed a solution. I craved purpose from my mayhem.

I decided that I have tried literally everything to have a fun-filled enjoyable life. None of it worked, I remained hurting and lost.

Nothing could truly fill the chasm I had in my heart. I was broken on the inside and everything hurt. Running from the pain was all I could do to keep myself from dealing with it. Like the prodigal son, I would do all I could to have fun, there was no limit. I eventually found myself at the end of my road . Every bridge I had known was burnt. Following every avenue I had lived every option out. I was trying to find if there was a life better than the Christian life my parents had taught me. Thoughts of there must be some kind of happiness in the world went through my mind and went looking for it everywhere!

Surprised, I arrived back home with my parents. I found all the peace, love and tranquility I had really wanted was what the people in their church had.

Purpose from my Mayhem

My parents are not perfect, none of us are. But they led the way for me to find Jesus Christ for myself. It wasn’t at that time. It still took me many years to really choose Him and go to church. That was the beginning of my desire to find Him.

I had grown up in church with parents who loved the Lord and showed me His ways the best they could.

The Change Came

My life changed entirely the day I decided to take the bible seriously and allow Jesus Christ to be the Lord and Saviour of my life.

Even then I didn’t believe in making deals with the Lord, I thought it dangerous at best. That being said, I had seen a sign for a church on the way to work everyday, and as I later told the pastor that sign called my name for many months, until late one Saturday night I said: ‘Lord, if you want me to go to that church in the morning then you wake me up in time to get ready.’

True as bob the next morning at 06:30 I couldn’t sleep anymore, there I lay thinking, is it me or did You wake me up to go? I got up, went and had a ball, I never looked back. Those people took me in as if I was one of their own. They knew I was broken. Definitely I knew I was in no great shape, but man they helped me walk that walk! I am so thankful to God everyday for the way He lead me to their building and closer to Him. I had some Holy Spirit encounters there with Him that I’ve never had again, but I am trusting for more, always, everyday trusting for more of Him and His ever-lasting peace that surpasses all understanding.

How

If you want that relationship with God that brings you peace with Him, peace, yourself the things you’ve done and the people around you no matter how impossible it seems. I have had to forgive my parents and many relatives, I have had to ask for much forgiveness. In my brokenness I have hurt many people, but with God all things are possible. Back to my point, if you would like peace to reign in your life, please read this prayer, (finished reading it already?) don’t leave it there. Go to a local church or trusted friend. Tell them of your commitment to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and ask for a bible to read on your own. Read it daily, pray daily for a closer relationship with Him, He will lead you and guide you, trust Him. You will find, as did I, Purpose from my Mayham came when I allowed Him, the Lord Jesus Christ to be the master of my life, sounds hard, it’s so simple.